The Galaxy According to Jaina
by FelsGoddess
Summary: Jaina Solo's thoughts right before the war with the Yuuzhang Vong and throughout. COMPLETE.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

**The Galaxy According to Jaina**

This is a serious of journal entries Jaina Solo does starting right before the Yuuzhang Vong war and continuing throughout different events. Time: 2045  
Uncle Luke told us today that we could be apprenticed to a Jedi Master. Uncle Luke took on Jacen and Anakin. I asked Aunt Mara. Aunt Mara and Uncle Luke have such a weird relationship. They've spent a lot of time apart. I don't know. Mom and dad are away from eachother a lot, but I know they don't like it. Who knows?

I'm going home in two days. Aunt Mara and Uncle Luke are going to stay on Coruscant for awhile. Aunt Mara says that I can stay with my parents. I'm excited. I haven't seen Mom and Dad for awhile. In their last message, they said Chewie had gone to visit his family, but would be back soon. I can't wait to get there.

Time: 1930  
It's been two months since I've entered anything. Aunt Mara keeps me busy. She's on a mission right now. I can't remember where she went. Jacen and Anakin are out with Uncle Luke. Anakin and Jacen have started arguing about the Force. Anakin sees it as his tool and Jacen, well I don't think Jacen knows what he thinks. I'm staying on Coruscant. Mom stepped down from Chief of State. Borsk Fey'la took her place. What a crappy replacement! Mom flipped when she heard. Dad keeps saying that since he helped mom out with politics, she gets to try out his lifestyle. Somehow I don't see mom smuggling or anything like that. I'm glad mom is home now. It's nice to actually see her. Hopefully she will stay away from saving the galaxy, but I doubt it. Time: 1532  
Aunt Mara is sick! She has been back for a month! One hundred people have been diagnosed with this disease, but nobody knows what it is! Uncle Luke told mom that sixty of them have already died. It's not contagious, but nobody knows where it came from. Everyone is trying hard not to worry too much, even though chances are very good she will die. Chewie thinks Aunt Mara should go somewhere closer to nature. He says that it will do her some good. If anything, she will rest. I don't want to burden her, but what about my training? I have been working with Uncle Luke a little bit with Jacen and Anakin, but it's not the same. I'm trying to help anyway I can.

There is some good news. Dad took me to some flight simulations. I did great! Well, I have to go help dad with a new "modification" on the _Falcon_. I hope I'll have my own ship soon. That would be great!

Time: 2352  
I just had the most amazing expirence. We went to Lando's Folly today. It's this game he has on Dubrillion where you do a run through asteroids. Jacen, Anakin, and I all did it. I got the best time ever! I beat Kyp Durron! He was whining about it. I smoked him! It was awesome!

Dad, Anakin, and Chewie left for Sernpidal earlier to make a delivery for Lando. I hope they aren't gone long. Aunt Mara and Uncle Luke left for Belkedan. Tendra is going to show me, mom, and Jacen around tomorrow. It is very exciting. I had better get some sleep before tomorrow! Time: 2215  
Chewie is dead. A moon was dropped down on Sernpidal and killed him. Anakin told us what happened. He died saving Anakin's life. Dad is furious. Anakin told me and Jacen that dad blames him. He says he left him. Jacen assured Anakin that he did the right thing. It's strange. I've know people that have died, but nobody so close to us before. I remember when I was little Nichos and Cray. I already miss him. I can't begin to imagine what dad is going through, but at least he has mom. If anyone know anything about loss, it's her. I feel so horrible for Anakin. He knows that he did the right thing, I think, but part of him is blaming himself. It doesn't help that dad keeps glaring at him all the time. I guess the best thing to do is honor Chewie's memory. Time:0830  
It's been a little while. We just had two battle with the Yuuzhang Vong. During the first one, I got to fly one of Lando's ships. During the second one, I was in the _Merry Miner_. We destroyed the war cordinator. I don't know what's going to happened next. Danni Quee, a young woman we rescued, says that more will come. Mom is going to talk to the New Republic.

Aunt Mara has gotten worse. She is so weak. We are all on Yavin IV. Mom and Dad went to Sernpidal. Dad needs to make peace with Chewie's death.

It's so hard to write that. I had to stop my earlier entry because I couldn't see through the tears. I miss him a lot. Dad came and talked to me a few days ago. He somehow managed to keep himself together. Mom's upset, but she doesn't want to upset Dad anymore. Chewie was his best friend.

Okay, I have to think of something more cheerful. I have a long day ahead of me.

Time: 1350  
Uncle Luke called all the Jedi to Yavin IV. He handed us all assignments. I picked up Danni Quee and met mom. I helped Danni on her Force skills. Jacen is going with Uncle Luke to Belkadan and Anakin is taking care of Aunt Mara. She is so weak, it's scary.

I asked mom how dad was doing. She said that he was getting better. I know she's lying. Anakin still thinks dad hates him. I hope dad comes to his senses soon.

I have to go. Gavin Darklighter is here. He wants to talk to me. Time: 2334  
OH MY FORCE! I AM IN THE ROGUE SQUADRON! I already have a call sign! It's Sticks 'cause my control is a stick and my lightsaber. I'm Rogue Eleven. This is so incrediable. I got in all on my talents, not my family or being a Jedi. I wish I could tell Chewie, but I think he knows. I wish I could tell Dad. He's so out of it, I don't think he would even notice. I can't believe mom actually let me join. I was so shocked when I was told. We fly in the morning. I am going to bed. Time: 0830  
It's been so hectic! I wish I could retell the battles, but its almost like a blur. I remember fighting, but the actual details are sketchy. I wonder why.

The Vong hit Dantoonie. I thought of a way to shoot their ships spikes. It worked pretty well. We lost a lot. The refugees suffered a 50 loss. The good news is that I get to stay in the squadron. I moved in the barracks with my wingmate, Anni Capstan. Mom would never admit it, but I think she was glad I moved out so I won't see Dad like he is. He is horrible! He is drunk all the time! I heard from Anakin and Jacen that he's been arguing with mom. Not their usual play fighting. He's been out drinking all the time. I'm really worried about him. I did see him sober once. I was packing up some stuff. He stood in the doorway of my room and asked me what was going on. I told him that I was in Rogue Squadron. He was so proud of me. He hugged me tightly. He smelled like liquor. He has lost weight. I haven't seen him sober since. I wonder if my moving out has anything to do with it?

I have to go. There is a Squadron meeting soon.


	2. Ch 2

Disclaimer: see post 1

Time: 2200  
Everything is going well with the squadron. I've been helping screen pilots. Wedge and Tycho are helping. They catch the same people I do without the Force! I guess its just years of expirence. I've flown against them in sims. They ROYALLY kick my butt.

Uncle Luke called a Jedi meeting, but I couldn't go. He told everyone that the New Republic isn't going to back they Jedi. Jacen told me Kyp wasn't very happy about it. Jacen and Ganner are going on a military mission with Corran though.

Dad had me, Anakin, and Jacen meet him at home. He looked so... just bad. He had gotten even thinner, his hair is a lot longer, and he hasn't shaven. I'm not sure what he wanted. He started to talk about losing Chewie, then Anakin said something, not to make him mad or anything, and dad clammed up. I don't understand him at all. Mom is off saving the galaxy again. I know it's important, but can't she stop to help her husband? And us? It would be nice if, just for once, I could go home and know she will be there. Jacen told me that he has heard dad snap at mom, but shouldn't she be doing something for him? She lost her planet, she should know about this.

I need to get some sleep. Time: 1200  
Dad stopped by this morning. I was in the hanger, working on my X-Wing. He asked about the X-Wing and gave me a few tips on repairs. I noticed that he didn't offer to help. I guess it reminds him of Chewie. He didn't stay long. He told me goodby and that I had better be careful. It was nice to see him.

I am leaving soon for the mission with Corran. I'll get to spend some time with Jacen before hand. I've missed him.

It's time to get going. Time: 1745  
I had a talk with Colonel Darklighter. Jacen's shuttle had exploded on the way down to Garqi. I thought he was dead, but Colonel Darklighter told me it was a secret mission. He had a long talk with me about who's who and such. It was surprising.

I found out what the Vong are doing with Sernpidal. It makes me sick. They are GROWING stuff there. They destroyed a planet, killed thousands, killed Chewie, just to grown stuff. I hope this war ends soon.

Time: 2345  
Guess what happened? We were at Ithor and suddenly these Chiss show up in their clawcrafts. Clawcraft are kind of like TIE fighters, only not. Anyways, they are good. I ask Spike Lead who he is and this is the response I get and I quote, "We're simply the best combat pilots in the galaxy." Says who? It made me so mad. He thinks he is sooooo much better than us. It's Baron Soontir Fel's son. Whoever that is. I don't know the Baron's linage, nor do I care. Well, I need to sleep before tomorrow. Time: 2200   
Normally, I love simming. I hate it with the Chiss. Spike Lead hunts down and kills the best one. He has killed me so many times it is unreal. Oooo, I just want to kick him in a very painful place for men. Time: 2300  
I have met Spike Lead. He is the cockiest, stuck-up, best-looking... okay, I have to admit it, he is very nice to look it, pilot today. His named is Colonel Jagged Fel. Here's what happened. I had to go to this stupid reception on _Tafanda Bay_ because I'm a Jedi and a Solo, which drives me CRAZY! I had an interesting talk with Ganner. He has really changed. He is still pretty good looking, even with that scar. The Imperials came. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention earlier that they came to help. The Chiss came next. Jag walked right by the politicians! He greated the military people and then went right to me! He was amazed I was a Jedi and then a tough kill and great pilot. I guess he is Wedge's nephew. He told off the politicians, mainly Fey'la. That was awesome. I have always wanted to do that. He accused Jag of being afraid of aliens. Hello, he lived with the Chiss who are aliens! Duh, Borsk! Jag has, well had, four siblings. His older brother and younger sister have died. Five is a lot of kids. My parents, when they were around, would have gone nuts. I need to get some sleep. Time: 1200  
I don't have a lot of time. I go into battle soon. I had another chat with Jag today. He said that I needed to be grim. Okay? He's strange, but in a cute way. Hold it right there, Jaina. You are not going to fall for a guy who likes being grim. No way. He may be... gifted in appearance, but I am not going there. Now is not the time.

Time: 1230  
Though my parents did... Time: 1245   
No. I have to go fight. It WILL NOT HAPPEN. Time: 2000  
Anni is dead. She died in battle. I sent a message out to her family. I talked with Anakin. He told me some stuff mom said. Elegos is dead too. So is Daeshara'cor. Corran had a fight. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Time: 1925

Chewie's funeral was today. It wasn't technically a funeral, more of a memorial service. He has been gone for six months. I sat next to Dad. I tried to help him. I know that it's usually reversed. Lando couldn't make it. I'm not sure why. Aunt Mara is suffering relapse. It's not looking good for her. I hope she makes it. The other people who had this weird disease have died. I know that everyone loses in a war. We lost Chewie, but do we have to lose Mara too? My family has suffered so much. Why? I don't think there is an answer.

After the service, Dad told me he envied 3PO. He wished he couldn't feel. I tried to get him to eat something, but he wouldn't. I saw Malla give him a bowcaster of Chewie's a a really big bag. I did get him to smile. Then we found out that Waroo and Lowie were going to continue the life debt. Dad said no. He was angry about it. I think he felt like Chewie was being replaced. He did say that Chewie died saving Anakin's life, not that Anakin left him. I know dad hasn't talked to Anakin yet. I hope he does soon.

Time: 1234

We left today, a day earlier than planned. Dad got into it with Uncle Luke. Then Dad decided he wasn't going. I took the _Falcon_ back home with mom. Uncle Luke was called the Yavin IV. Mom was really quiet the whole way back to Coruscant. She mentioned that dad was proud of what I had done. I was glad to pilot the _Falcon_, though. Dad rarely lets other people fly his ship. One day, I want a ship of my own.

Time: 2000

I just talked to Anakin. He said that he found out from Uncle Luke that Aunt Mara is getting worse. I'm really worried about her. I hope she will be okay.

Dad left. Mom went to Ord Mantell, but at least we know where she is. Dad didn't tell anybody where he was going, not even mom. Anakin told me that he went to say goodbye. He said that Dad didn't even take the _Falcon_. That's weird. I hope he's okay.


	3. Ch 3

Disclaimer: Star Wars isn't mine.

Time: 0945  
I'm 17 now. Dad sent me a message, as did mom. I talked to Jacen, but it just isn't the same. Anakin, however, showed up from Yavin IV. He came to my door early yesterday morning and told me since Jacen was with Aunt Mara and Uncle Luke, he had come to be with me. It was sweet of him. I know that I shouldn't be selfish, there is a war going on, but come on! Jacen and I should at least get to see one of our parents! Sometimes I wonder if they really wanted us at all. Time: 1235  
It's been awhile. Great news! Aunt Mara is getting better! There was this defector and her familiar gave Dad healing tears. I don't know the whole story yet. I'm just glad she is healing. Plus, Dad and Anakin made up! Dad left, though. Time: 1345  
I'm currently on a brief leave from Rogue Squadron. Anakin has been asked to go to Centerpoint Station to activate it. He and Jacen got into a huge arguement about it. Jacen is going with him. I hope that they do the right thing.

Time: 0939  
I have a lot of time of my hands write now. I went into EV. It's a long story I really don't want to get into. I have to make this entry a voice recording. I was sent to Duro. I guess Dad is doing refugee work. They couldn't find Mom, surprise surprise. She is never there when I need her. I can't see! I almost DIED!

Calm down, Jaina. There's no sense is getting mad. It won't do any good. Anyway, speaking of my parents, Jacen told me about a HUGE arguement mom and dad had. I guess it was so horrible he won't repeat what they said.

I don't think my family is going to make it through this war.

Time: 2200  
I'm on Duro, settlement 32. Blurs now have edges. Some weird worm things were found.

I am about to knock Jacen upside the head. He refuses to use to Force because he is afraid he will fall. Come on, Jacen, stop hiding! Are all little brothers this infuriating? Time: 2230  
What a day! We had to evacuate. These mynock looking things were eating away at the door. We have to go through decontamination. Mom showed up. She was here all the time. She and Dad made up, I think. I hope so. Time: 1036  
I got my head shaved. So did mom. Mine was chopped short enough because of my accident. I don't like it. I know I had to do it, but I still don't like it. Come on, bald? I'm 17! I shouldn't be bald! Mom shaved her head too! How unreal is that? She's never cut her hair. I remember when Jacen, Anakin, and I were kidnapped, the first night we were all together, mom had us in her lap, her long hair covering us. I remember thinking that it was a blanket that would hide us from the evil people. Now it's gone. Dad walked her to it. He misses it, but he's happier that they are getting better. 

There is this annoying Hutt here. He is so annoying. Nobody trusts him. I've been keeping an eye on him some times. He keeps trying to convince me that he wants to hurt the Vong. Yeah, right. Time: 2000  
Aunt Mara, Anakin, and Uncle Luke are here. One of the Jedi disappeared. Guess who else is here? Nom Anor. I hate him. He was working for mom, but never was around her so she didn't know he was a Vong. Mara and I escaped from him. Mom is ordering an evacuation. I have to go. Time: 1230  
Oh my stars. I'm on the _Falcon_. Mom might die. She was beaten by the Vong. Jacen decided to use the Force and saved her life. She is so weak. Her legs are covered in blood.

The Duro double-crossed us. They think the Vong won't hurt them. Boy, are they in for a surprise. We were able to get a lot of people off Duro. 

Dad is in with mom. I gave her a sedative so she would try to help. I love that about her, but it's going to get her killed. She told me that she was amazed I came back. She knows how upset I am at her. It's hard to be mad at her now. I hope we get to a med center soon.

Time: 1200  
Mom will be okay. I am so happy to hear that. She still has to stay in the Bacta Tank, but she will survive. I don't know what I would have done if I lost her. I know Dad would just fall apart. I don't think he would recover. She's going to be fine.

Time: 1745  
Kyp is such an idiot. Uncle Luke called the Jedi together for a meeting and what does Kyp do? Go off and leave. He drives me crazy! Sure, I do think that we should be doing something, but Uncle Luke is IN CHARGE.

Anakin had an idea. The Vong are near the Academy. Aunt Mara is going to get ahold of Karrade to get the trainees off the planet. Time: 1800  
I hate Borsk Fey'la. I know hate is of the Dark Side, but come on, it's Fey'la. The Bothan deservse to be shot. He SET UP THE JEDI ACADEMY for capture. I am so mad at him. The New Republic has abandoned the Jedi. Fine, it's their own fault. That's why I haven't been called back to the Squadron. It would cause a huge political deal. Ugh.

Oh, yeah. Anakin went to Yavin IV by himself. We can't go after him though. Jacen and I have to go find Booster Terrik to use his Star Destroyer. I told Uncle Luke that if we didn't find him in a week, I'm going to Yavin myself.

There is good news. AUNT MARA IS PREGNANT! Apparently, Jacen already knew. He's known since Duro. I was surprised. Sure, she's in good shape, but isn't she a little old for kids? I'm not going to say anything, though. I like my head where it is, thank you. I hope that the disease is gone for good. Aunt Mara and Uncle Luke need a break. Of course, with this war, that's not going to happen. Time: 2300  
Finally found Booster. We made it to Yavin IV just in time. Tahiri was shaped by a Vong. I guess they didn't finish. Anakin teamed up with a Vong. Very strange. The Vong DIED for him. Then Anakin complimented Jacen and I. It was strange.

I have to go. Anakin doesn't know about Aunt Mara yet.

Time: 1330  
I flew today. I was bored so I took my X-Wing out. I was out when Aunt Mara called me. Apparently, Uncle Luke is under arrest. He and Aunt Mara decided to leave. The Rogues tried to help. I hate out current Chief of State. I know anger and hate is of the Dark Side, but you can't tell me Master Yoda loved everybody.

To make matters worse, I am currently going after Kyp Durron. Uncle Luke is FINALLY going to do something. Unfortunatly, it means I have to try and convince Kyp to come back. I am not looking forward to it. I don't know what Uncle Luke think's he is going to accomplish. Kyp doesn't listen to anyone.

I am going to get some sleep.

Time: 2000  
Wow, a lot has happened. Let me start from where I left off.

I found him. He found something. When the Rogues went to Sernpidal, we noticed something growing, but now... I don't know how to describe it. I took it to the Rogues. The military leaders decided to go after. Forget the politics. They weren't too happy about seeing Kyp. I have had some annoying conversations with him lately. He is so arrogant. Plus, he is attractive and he knows it.

Hold on. Did I just think Kyp was attractive? No, he's not. He's the annoying guy who insults my uncle. Not attractive. No way. Thought erased and gone.

The military mission, right. Okay, anyways, we all flew out to this... thing. I don't know what to call it. Wedge actually flew with me. It was amazing! I couldn't believe it. I was a little rusty, but I think I worked the kinks out. I about died, too. I wasn't scared, more like I accepted it. It's a weird feeling.

Aunt Mara is dying. I felt her during the battle. Right now I am on my way to to see her.

Oh, I saved this for last. I don't want to go back to Kyp, but here it is. He asked me to be his apprentice. I'm MARA'S, not his. Plus, he totally manipulated me into getting the military to go there. He _used_ me. I did, however, insult him and slapped him. I slapped him HARD. He deserved it too. Grrr.

Alright, well, I'm coming out of hyperspace soon. I hope Aunt Mara is okay. Time: 1234   
Aunt Mara is okay! My cousin's name is Ben. The disease is completely gone! I'm so happy for her and Uncle Luke! I hope that this stupid war ends soon so Ben doesn't get sent away like my brothers and I were.

Fey'la talked to Uncle Luke. He told Uncle Luke he was no longer under arrest.

I was able to enjoy one of the perks of being an older sister. Anakin kissed Tahirir. I managed to get it out of her. It is so much fun giving him a hard time about it. I love it.

Mom and Dad want me to come eat dinner with them.

Time: 1200  
Ben is adorable! Tionne and Kam found somewhere to build a Jedi safe house. It's being worked on as I write this. I am going to run some supplies there later on today. Mom has recovered well. She loves Ben. Aunt Mara doesn't share him that much. It's kind of strange seeing Aunt Mara like that.

I had time this morning to think. I scanned through and found my entries about Jag. I haven't heard from him in long time. I wonder where and how he is? I kind of miss his cockiness. It was... charming.

Charming? What am I thinking? Who knows, Mom and Dad banter like no tomorrow so who knows?

Ack! Jaina, what did I tell you about thinking about that stuff? Don't.

Anyways, next topic. Kyp. I left a red mark on his cheek. Aunt Mara was amused. She's not too happy about Kyp wanting me to be his apprentice.

Time for a supply run! Time: 2300  
I caught Anakin and Tahiri. That was funny! They were in a practice room, kissing. It was great! Of course, I had to run away from the fly objects hurled my way. 

Supply run went alright. The base is almost done.

Time: 1200

Yesterday was Anakin's seventeenth birthday. Mom and Dad threw a small party for him. I had to find him. I found him in a storage room with Tahiri. Needless to say, they were rather preoccupied. I thought Anakin was going to kill me. It was so funny! Jacen and I will be nineteen soon. The past few years have gone by so fast from the war.

Time: 0850

Jacen and I had our birthday yesterday. I haven't had a chance to write in here for awhile. I've been busy finishing the Jedi Base, Eclipse. Mom is doing a lot better. Her legs aren't weak anymore. Dad seems to be okay again. He has gotten more overprotective, though. I guess that's better than hating everyone.

Time: 1930

Lusa is dead. She was at home; where she was suppose to be safe. A voxyn killed her. The Vong made some new sadistic creature called a voxyn that hunts and kills Jedi. I'm nervous. What if that thing finds us? What if Mom or Ben or Anakin or Jacen are caught by it?

Apparently, the voxyn are clones. We have to kill the Queen, but how?

Time: 0850

We are going after the voxyn queen. Anakin had an idea to take a strike team to Myrkr. I'm going with him. We leave tomorrow. I hope this works. Jacen is coming too. I hope he and Anakin can put their differences aside. If we don't kill the Queen, more Jedi will die.

I hope we all make it back alive.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: see first post

Time: 0130  
My brothers are dead. I cannot believe my brothers are dead. I saw Anakin die. I saw him fall. The blasted Vong took Jacen. I cannot feel him. He's dead.

Right now, I'm on Hapes. I can't sleep. Only nine of us survived.

I will start at the beginning. I can't talk to anyone about it without seeing sympathy and pain in their eyes. I need to recount the events, to honor my brothers' memory. As I write this, I am in a daze.

It was decided that Lando would turn us over to the Vong. Ganner was knocked unconcious. Jacen and Anakin... Jacen and Anakin got into it. While in the Vong graps, Ulaha was tortured. I had to open my big mouth and cause her more pain. I had to choose between Anakin and Jacen; I chose Jacen. Anakin and Jacen argued again after we took the shuttle. All during this, Zekk was trying to get a rise out of me. Sure when we were kids I had a crush on him, but not anymore. He doesn't make me feel the way I did went Jag came up to me.

Funny how the mere thought of him makes me feel a little better for a split second before I feel the pain of my brothers' deaths.

We made it off the shuttle. Ulaha sacrificed herself. It my fault she was tortured so badly. Jacen and I felt Vergere. I don't know if she felt us. I think she did. Anakin had sensed two Jedi. They were Welk and Lomi Plo, two Dark Jedi. Their presence messed up the battle meld Jacen was holding.

I hate this so much. This is all my fault. I was surrounded by the Vong. Anakin came to save me and was injured in his spleen. It was punctured. He refused to go into a healing trace. This is so hard to write. I am suppose to protect my little brother and I failed twice. Tesar had to carry Anakin he was so weak. Then Raynar...

I can't do it. I can't continue. I need some air. Time: 0345  
Okay, I can continue, I think. We found a ship. Lowie worked on it with Raynar aboard. Then the Dark Jedi took it and left with Raynar. Then the fight.

Oh my Force, I don't want to do this. I don't want to write this. It makes it more real. I have to, though. I need to.

I tried to get Anakin to go back where Lowie was and go into a trance. He wouldn't. Then we felt what was I think Raynar's death.

I watched him fight the voxyn and the Vong. He was so weak! He fell many times, but got right back up. I saw him vomit blood. I felt him become the Force. There was an imposter Anakin warned us about. He told Jacen he was in charge. The voxyn was escaping. I told Anakin we couldn't get to her. He told me that the path would soon be cleared. He entered the empty voxyn pen. I saw him fight. I screamed for him. He told me to go. He was hit by a thudbug. He burned so brightly. He told me to go. I couldn't leave him. He told Jacen to take me away and kiss Tahiri for him. Jacen pulled me away as our brother died. He saved us all by destroying the voxyn tissue the imposter had. He is dead.

Anakin, I am so sorry I failed you. It was my job to protect you. I'm your older sister. I am so sorry.

I can't write at all. I'll come back later. I need to get out of here.

Time: 0500  
I will finish this. I have to.

Jacen pulled me away. I blamed him for leaving Anakin. I about killed Tenel Ka. She mentioned that we were all hurting. She doesn't know what it's like to have emotions. She had no business saying anything to me.

I went after Anakin's body. Down in the pit I saw the horrible things the Vong do to their dead. I don't want to repeat them. If they had done any of it to Anakin's body, well, they would fear pain. He was taken. The Vong held a coufee up to his eye when I found him. I was so mad. His retched kind had already murdered my brother. They will pay. I dipped into my rage and tore Anakin's body away. I then struck the kriffing Vong with Force lightning. Zekk thought it was his job to lecture me on the Dark Side. Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I've heard it my whole life. The Vong deserve it.

Jacen went after the voxyn queen. He killed it, but he was captured. I don't know where he was taken too, but I feel horrible for what I last said to him. I can't find him in the Force, but I know he isn't dead. We had to leave him behind, but I swore I would return to find him.

Only nine of us survived. NINE. We made it to Corescant only to find out it had been taken over. Not only have I lost my brothers, but I lost my home. I hate the Vong so much.

We went to Gallinore in the Hapes Cluster. I had the pleasure of speaking with both Tsavong Lah and Harrar, a priest for the Trickster goddess Yun-Harla. I named my stolen shuttle the _Trickster_ just to make him mad. I want to make them all mad. They stole my home, my brothers, tried to kill Aunt Mara, almost seperated my parents, killed Anni, and killed Chewie.

I HATE THEM.

Because of them, I feel again. Since Anni's death, I have been in almost a daze like state. I had that battle numbing. Now I am going through hell.

To make it worse, I thought Jacen was alive until this point. We sent Tenel Ka in an escape pod. That didn't work. Ta'a Chume spoke with us. She's up to something, but when isn't she? Anyway, on the way to get Tenel Ka, I felt the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. It was Jacen. Then it was gone. He was dead. My twin is dead. My other half is forever gone. There are huge holes in me now. I am empty, all because of the Vong. 

Trust me, the Vong will pay. They claim to worship pain, I'll give them pain to worship.

Oh, how could I forget this extra piece of information? Before I felt Jacen die, I found out that we were wanted for a sacrifice. Twins are rare with the Vong. Now they want me, BAD. I don't know what they'll do. Jacen is dead, so no sacrifice. I'd love to find where they killed my twin and strangle the life out of each one. They don't deserve to live. They don't deserve anything but a horrid death.

One would think that all this would be enough, well it isn't. There is more. I was escorted in by Kyp, a Chiss pilot, and Jag. I had a strange feeling of joy when I heard his voice. I was just plain ticked to hear Kyp. What else do he want to use me for?

I saw my parents. It was horrible. My mother still believes Jacen is alive. Dad told me that I better not argue about Jacen being dead. He knows that he is dead, though. My parents looked so _old_. The Vong did that, too.

They will pay.

I have exhausted myself. More happened yesterday, but I can't write now. I am about to collapse.

Time: 1200  
I have found some time alone. I met with Ta'a Chume. She pointed out that I want vengence. I do. It doesn't matter if I use the Dark Side or not. I did go lower than I ever thought I would. I quoted Kyp.

I've been invited to a dinner tonight. I was given a deep scarlet gown to wear. It is incrediablly tight. I wonder who all is going to attend? Time: 2250  
Zekk is a jerk, I want to wring Kyp's neck, and Jag looks good in formal wear.

I will start at the beginning. I went to the dinner. Jag was there. He came up to me and complimented me on my appearance. I've been told I looked lovely by many people, most who were sucking up, but Jag's comment touched me in a way I cannot explain. I liked it. I could tell he liked what he saw. That dress showed off my figure nicely. I would never say this outloud, but I did enjoy how it looked on me. I know Jag did. He actually made a joke about Tenel Ka. I told him that she cut off heads to the men who stepped on her feet while dancing. I then offered to search for the trophy room with him. He took my arm and we went. His playfulness was a side I haven't seen before. I want to see more of it. Ta'a Chume interrupted us. She took my aside and mentioned replacing the current Queen Mother with my mother. Yeah, right. _That_ would go over well with my father. She left me alone and I tried to find Jag. For some reason, I get a strong Force presence from him. I don't know why. I can't feel Vong, but I can feel him strongly, just like my dad.

I found Kyp, or rather, he found me. He informed me that he was taking my to Anakin's funeral. I did not want to go. If I had my lightsaber, I would have used it on him. He actually went to my room and took my blade. He gave me robes that were like his. I don't know if this was some plot by him of what.

Many people talked about Anakin. That kid mom and dad rescued looks so much like him, I can't look at him. Viqi Shesh made him look this way. I will deal with her too. Dad talked about Anakin and Sernpidal. I think he knows that Dad doesn't blame him. Kyp talked about how Anakin would change the Force. I was surprised he mentioned it. Watching Anakin burn was horrible. It was the final goodbye. Anakin is really gone. His death wasn't right. He wasn't suppose to die. He was suppose to save us all. Its just not fair.

Zekk came up to me afterwards. He's ticked about me and the Dark Side. I will use whatever is necessary to obtain my goals. He wants to act like a child and leave, fine. I don't care.

Time: 1300  
I got into it with Jag. I somewhat enjoy arguing with him. I did get a nice view of his back side. He looks good from all angles. Lowie thought it was funny, I don't know why. I did get him back by covering him in goop. It was funny.

Got to go. Time: 1700

I spoke with mom today. Luckily she got my hint not to talk about Anakin or anything like that. If I wanted to talk, I would. I don't. Especially not to my mother. She still thinks Jacen is alive. I know its a false hope. Dad's not mad about me not wanting to go to the funeral. He didn't want to go to Chewie's. I am glad I went, though. I guess I should thank Kyp for that.

After she left, I got into it with Jag again. It was fun.

I met with Ta'a Chume. I found a traitor for her. I'm going to meet some scientists. I'm taking Kyp, Lowie, and Tenel Ka, as a guide.

Here's what I am going to do. I'm getting an implant from a prisoner. I am taking it to be manipulated to the _Trickster's_ graviational signature. It will confused the Vong. I love it. Time: 2200  
It's finished. I don't want to go into details. I am now Kyp's apprentice. I am only his apprentice because it suits my needs. His beliefs will work to my advantage in my revenge. Once my revenge is done, I have no use for him.

Ta'a Chume is plotting something for me, but I can't figure out what. It's really annoying me. Tenel Kad warned me, but I'm not too worried. It would not be wise to cross my path. Time: 2250  
Dad got into a fight with the Hapens. He cracked his skull. I was amazed. Mother always said he had the thickest head. Jag stopped the fight. I'm very grateful. Apparently, it was for my mother. I told Ta'a Chume it wouldn't work.

I talked Lowie into getting some Wookies to help me. If they die, it's a necessary loss. I will not stop until I have my revenge. Time: 1500

The Trickster campaign is going very well. I have the Vong so confused and so mad. It makes killing them so much easier. Sure, I'm losing pilots, but oh well. Pilots know the risks. Their death is only helping me.

Kyp was irritated at me. I fought him with my lightsaber long enough for him to volunteer to take the next flight. My plan is working.

A highlight of the day, Jag thanked me for flying. He was grateful for more eyes. We did get into it again. He told me to keep my rank. What in the world does that mean?

Time: 1400

Jag complimented me. He said it was an honor to fly under my command. His Chiss friend was very upset about that. Oh well. Deal with it. I have to wonder why I care, but I do. I'm not going to dwell on it. It is a distraction, which I do not need.

Time: 2200

Ta'a Chume wanted me to be Queen. Yeah, right. No thank you. She had Teneial Djo killed. I had a vision that lead me to Jag. There was more to the vision, but I don't want to think about it. Jag, Kyp, and I went to stop the murder, but we were too late. Then the Vong attacked. Tenel Ka gave Jag control of the fleet and took the crown. She yelled at me saying I was dishonoring Jacen and Anakin with my vengence. I am not. I'm doing the right thing.

Time: 0822

I am Yun-Harla, the Trickster goddess. It worked. My plan worked. I have also been freed from the Dark Side. I can't explain how it happened, but I feel so much better now that I am free. Kyp is going to help me back. Jag is going to talk to Uncle Luke about working with the Jedi. I look forward to it.

I am so sorry, Jacen. I am so sorry, Anakin. I turned my grief into anger and turned. I dishonored you. I hope you can forgive me.

Time: 1100

Kyp is helping me return from the grip of the Dark Side. It's kind of strange. He is helping. I think we are helping eachother. I've noticed that he has become less arrogant and cocky.

I think Lowie came along with us to keep an eye on us. He isn't so much watchful of Kyp as he is me. It's kind of nice to have someone looking out for me.

We are returning to Borleias. We are finally ready to face everyone, I think.

Time: 1800

It's been hectic since I have arrived.

I told Wedge about my plan to make a squadron and making me Yun-Harla. Uncle Luke gave me his Twin Suns Squadron. I have to be treated like a goddess. Since not many people can know about me playing Yun-Harla. We don't want to the Vong to find out. Kyp and Jag are in my shield trio. Jag handed his squadron over to his second in command, Shawnkyr Nuruodo.

Since this is my personal squadron, each pilot is to make their craft to their own design. Jag had already come up with his. He knew I would make this decision. He wants to make his clawcraft with a black ball and the claws silver with bloodred splahes. The silver will mock machines to make the Vong mad.

We have developed a tactic where I pick a target, shoot it, Kyp, then Jag. Kyp can use the Force to tell which one I want, but not Jag. It's kind of funny when Jag gets it wrong. He is always so sure of himself. I was surprised that he and Kyp would allow me to command them.

During that practice run, a worldship appeared. I couldn't help but think of Anakin and Jacen. They died on a worldship. It wasn't the same one. It ejected twenty-two hostages. They were alive. Jag started gently bumping them away with his clacraft. Most of them survived.

Of course, as a Goddess I can't be chummy with my pilots. It's okay, though. With all these enemies I've made, I won't live much longer. Better I not get close to people so not as many will be upset with my death.

Uncle Luke is going to Corescant. I wanted to go to find Jacen. Mom says he's alive. I would have been able to prove he isn't. There is no way he can be alive. I'm his twin. I can't feel him. He has to be dead. 

Stop, Jaina. Enough.

Tahiri talked me out of it. She says that it would be dangerous. She's right. She also pointed out that I'm avoiding mother. I can't help it. I just... there's just so much resentment. Tahiri pointed out that I needed to make amends before it was too late.

It won't get to that, will it?

Time: 1700

The Wraith, Sharr Latt and the Gamorrean, Voort "Piggy" saBinring, came to meet with me. Yes, a Gamorrean. I didn't believe it either. I still don't. I thought my Dad was lying when he told me about him.

According to Sharr, I do not work, only on my tricks. I do not carrying anything. I do not break a sweat. I am treated better than anyone. I can go and talk to anyone. I never ask, I order. My sqadron has their own ranks, not in my squadron. I am not ranked.

I get a manservant. I don't carry anything. I got to choose. Unfortunatly, Jag pointed out that Kyp would be better than he. Kyp is a Jedi Master. Seeing a Jedi bow to me would make me seem more powerful. He's right. I was really looking forward to having Jag at my beck and call. Oh well. Ordering Kyp around will due.

Kyp was my Master for a time. Now I can order him. He was never my true Master, that will always be Aunt Mara. Time: 1300

The children have gone into hiding. Aunt Mara feels so horrible. I felt her. It was so painful. She knows she has to to keep Ben safe. I think I'm finally starting to understand my mother's decision to keep us away. I'll have to talk to her about it sometime, when I know I'm ready.

Before I die. Time: 2230

My X-wing has been designed. It's glossy white. Each flank has a running voxyn on it. It confuses the Vong and any non-Insiders memeber.

The Insiders are a group fighting both the Vong and New Republic. The New Republic just doesn't know it yet. It's a secret.

Kyp's design of a star going supernova will remind the Vong of the world he destroyed. 

Time to fly. Time: 1700

Something happened today. Something incrediable. I guess I should start at the beginning.

The Vong tried to capture me! I thought we were sunk. Jag told me he could get us out. He didn't have time to explain, just asked it I could trust him. I said yes. I trust him. The Squadron was out, but Jag was going to die. I couldn't leave him. Kyp helped me rescue Jag. I was ordered not to, but I _couldn't_ leave him. I just wasn't able to.

Colonel Celchu was not happy. Wedge wanted to see me before he saw Jag. I figured as much. Wedge told me it would be five minutes. Jag stated he wanted to talk to me. We went to a conference room. I thought he would yell at me. He didn't. He just asked why. I told him that everyone was going away and I didn't want him to. He held me while I cried. Then he promised me he wouldn't go away, because he didn't want to. Then, he kissed me.

I can't begin to explain how I am feeling. It's wonderful, terrifying, and... just amazing. I feel liberated. I want to feel it again. I've been kissed before, but not like this...

Jag went to talk to Wedge for me. I don't know why. He just told me to go rest and he would sort it out. Yeah, right. Like I can rest after that. I will try though, just for him. Time: 2346

I finally talked with my mother. I was lying on her bed. She helped me realize that I should keep people close. I need to stop pushing people away. I told her I understand how much it hurt to send us away. I told my mother I love her. I haven't done that in far too long.

I feel so much better. I am going to sleep soundly for the first time in a long time.

Time: 0230

What a night! Wow! The battle went alright. I named my R2-B3 Cappie, after Anni. Lando made it back from taking Uncle Luke's team to Corescant. In Lando-style, he threw a party with pre-invasion brandy.

Jag waited for me to get out of my X-Wing. He asked if I wanted to go with him. I almost refused, but enough of that. I said yes. It was so much fun!

We got to Lando's. Mom and Dad were their. They were surprised to see me there with Jag. I think a lot of people were. Jag and I hung out with some pilots for awhile. We eventually found a cornor to sit by ourselves and just talked. It was great. I learned so much about him and he I. Kyp found us and made us join him in a game of sabacc. I did pretty good. Jag quit after two games. He went to go talk to his uncle for awhile. I found him later that night. We left the party and walked down into the lower, secluded parts of the base. His kisses are so sweet.

Finally, about 0200, we made our way back to our seperate quarters. I saw many of Lando's partygoers stumbling back to their quarters. I'm glad I wasn't like them.

I need to get some sleep. Good night.

Time: 2000

The Goddess scheme is going over well. Of course, every squadron leader, pilot, personel, well pretty much everyone hates my guts now.

There's a huge downside to being a Goddess. I can live with people hating me. Look at my parents. Look at my GRANDFATHER. I have a lot of work to do. I have to work on tricks with Sharr and Piggy. I have patrol and simulations. It's very hectic. Plus, since I am the Goddess, I get to sit in on those _lovely_ meetings.

A year ago, I wouldn't have minded so much. Now I have other things I want to do. I would much rather spend my time with Jag. We don't get much time together.

Speaking of... time to meet him. Time: 1700

There was another attempt to capture me today. They aren't getting desperate yet.

Oh, I almost forgot. Wes Janson is here. He flirted with me over the comm. Wedge told me that Janson was embarrassed about it. I found it kind of funny, as did just about everyone else.

Shoot, there's my comlink. I'll come back later! Time: 2200 

Jag and I are running out of conference rooms.

He caught me leaving Wedge's office. Of course, when he has time, I don't. I wish we could just disappear for a few hours... or days. I've never felt this way about anyone else before. Jag understands what I've gone through. One night we talked about losing siblings. It gets easier everyday. I want to hope my mother is right about Jacen, I really do. I just can't. I can't feel him. I'm his other half.

I am getting really frustrated with Kyp. He keeps pulling out of our Force bond. It's really messing me up. I don't understand what his deal is.

And there is my comm again. Time: 2200 

I finally talked to Kyp. It was Jag's idea. I sent Piggy to get him for a Goddess never runs for someone. I swear, they should write a book called "How to Be A Goddess."

Anyway. I decided to have a picnic on the roof. I told him that he didn't have to be alone anymore. He was concerned about being in the way of me and "you know." Jag then stuck out his hand and said, "Colonel Jagged Fel. Glad to meet you." I thought it was funny. Jag then demostrated how dumb males were by drinking more of this drink we had to prove his point. I told Kyp that if he had a problem, leave now. We agreed we are partners and drank this nasty... well I don't really know what it was.

Hopefully everything is taken care of. Lucky for me, I have a little free time so I'm going to "summon" Jag. Time: 2000

It worked! Sharr and Piggy designed a missile with my X-Wing's gravatational reading. During the battle to leave Borleias, the Vong tried to capture me. Again. They failed. During the battle, I switched my comm sign. The Vong went after the Goddess missile. To make a long story short, it worked. The Vong suffered a huge loss. We got a victory. 

Finally.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: see first post

Time: 1200

I am not very happy with the military.

All these new pilots showed up so what do they decided to do? Break up the squadrons and make new ones. So they pulled Kyp and Jag out of the Twin Suns. Oh sure, they made me Major, but I really don't care about that right now. Jag's gone. Kyp's gone. I don't want them out of my squadron. The three of us were a team! We were sucessful! Plus, now I see Jag even less. I don't like it one bit.

We're on Mon Calamari, by the way. What's left of the Senate is here, not that they really have any power. That idiot Pwoe has gone off to Kuat, I think. I don't really care.

I spent part of my morning teaching the new recuits different techniques. Anakin developed one. Fire three shots a a skip with a slightly diverging course. The dovin basal will curve at least one shot around and hit it. It was kind of hard to talk about who came up with up. The pain doesn't go away. I still have a hole where he should be.

The new pilots need me.

Time: 1200

I am not very happy with the military.

All these new pilots showed up so what do they decided to do? Break up the squadrons and make new ones. So they pulled Kyp and Jag out of the Twin Suns. Oh sure, they made me Major, but I really don't care about that right now. Jag's gone. Kyp's gone. I don't want them out of my squadron. The three of us were a team! We were sucessful! Plus, now I see Jag even less. I don't like it one bit.

We're on Mon Calamari, by the way. What's left of the Senate is here, not that they really have any power. That idiot Pwoe has gone off to Kuat, I think. I don't really care.

I spent part of my morning teaching the new recuits different techniques. Anakin developed one. Fire three shots a a skip with a slightly diverging course. The dovin basal will curve at least one shot around and hit it. It was kind of hard to talk about who came up with up. The pain doesn't go away. I still have a hole where he should be.

The new pilots need me. Time: 2000

The New Republic Intelligence was wrong and I almost killed everyone.

They told us that Supreme Overlod Shimrra was going to Obroa-skai. My entire squadron, half of it rookies, were on the _Trickster_. The battle was going horribly wrong when I figured out that they were using two yammosks. I sent out my missiles that made the Vong shoot themselves. The Hapens joined us and we destroyed the flagship that ended holding Supreme Commander Komm Karsh. Tenel Ka led the Hapens personally. She took a big political risk.

For some reason, I felt Jacen. I don't know why. He's dead. Maybe my subconscious sparked a memory or something. I don't know.

Everything is okay with Kyp. He's been kind of like a parental figure to me as of late. I haven't seen him since before the battle, but that's no surprise. Nobody gets a break around him. It would nice if I could have just a whole two hours to myself, but that's not going to happen.

A Goddess's work calls. Time: 1500

Oh my Stars above. Holy Force. I do not believe it.

Jacen is alive.

I arrived at Kashyyyk and went to meet with Admiral Kre'fey with General Farlander. We gave him our report. He congratulated us. He then told me that Jacen is alive and on Mon Calamari. He also told us that the Bothans have declared ar'krai, which means they will totally destroy a specis. By the look in Kre'fey's eyes, I don't doubt it.

My twin is _alive_ and I didn't feel him!

I can't believe I cut Jacen off. How long had he been calling to me? He must have thought I was dead! He must have felt awful, with Anakin gone and thinking I had joined him! I have to apologize to him. I was so bent on vengence I abandoned my brother. I failed both of them.

I keep learning more horrible things I did when I turned to the Dark Side. I understand Kyp's behavior a lot more now.

My shuttle is stopping to drop me off at my new quarters. Time: 1600 

I recieved a message from Jacen. He told me that he didn't contact me through our twin bond so I wouldn't come after him. I guess he forgives me. I think he knows about my stint with the Dark Side. I don't know what I am going to tell him. It was hard enough confessing what I did to Mom. Still, I can't wait to see him!

I also recieved a message from Jag. He knew about Jacen. Was I the last person to find out? Jag's words made me feel so much better. I miss him. I miss his arms around me. I miss his lips on mine. I miss his gentle caresses.

I shouldn't be doing this. Being in love in this madness shouldn't happen. Even with Jacen back, my death will come. It's unavoidable.

I have to go. Time: 1645 

What a minute. Am I really in love with Jag?

I need to think about that. Time: 0800

Kyp didn't know about Jacen's return! That's one person! I had a talk with him about what to say to Jacen. He was pretty insightful. We talked more about the Dark Side too. He's been really helpful.

My rookies went into battle. We lost two pilots. Thank the Force for those A-Wings. They took care of a lot of the skips toward the end. Its difficult working with all these rookies. I try to keep in mind how I was, but it's hard. I just expect them to know certain things and they don't. I get frustrated at them. I have to go meet with them now.

Time: 1800

Admiral Kre'fey has lost his mind. He gave this huge speech saying how everyday we need to ask ourselves _How can I hurt the Vong today?_. He talked about replacing all our losses. You cannot replace the dead. Chewie can't be replaced. Anni can't be replaced. Anakin can't be replaced. It's not possible. He is nuts.

The good news is that he is sending me to see Jacen. Yes, I have a mission to do, but I get to see my twin! I do feel guilty about leaving my squadron behind. I won't be there for two weeks to train them. I know Lowie will do a good job, but they need their leader. Will my lack of attendence for these two weeks cause any of my pilots to die?

I hope not.

I get to see Jacen! I am very nervous. What can I say to him? How will I tell him what I've done? Will he be any different towards me? He must have changed during capture. How much different will he be?

Calm down, Jaina, you will see him soon enough. Time: 1200 

Cal Omas is the new Chief of State and there is a Jedi Council. I know that Lando and Karrde had something to do with his election, but I don't know what.

Anyway, onto more important matters, I've seen Jacen! There was a tiny part of me that was afraid that he wasn't alive. I know it doesn't make sense, but that's how I felt. Maybe the universe was playing some sick trick on me. Wouldn't that be ironic? The Trickster is stumped by another trick.

It was strange seeing him. We just looked at each other at first, then our twin bond connected and I embraced him. I had been afraid he would reject our bond for some reason. After all, I had shut him out. I couldn't stay long. I had to go to a meeting. That's all my life is. I go to meetings and I train. I don't have time for anything else. I hate it, but its what I have to do. Its what I will do until this war kills me.

Mom and Dad arrived early this morning. We all moved quarters. It was way to crowded at Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara's.

I meditated with Jacen a bit. I couldn't talk much with him. I want to, but I just can't. I can't let my emotions distract me. I have responsibilities. I have to keep my squadron alive. They are counting on me. Their lives are in my hands.

Now, it's time for another meeting. This is my life and I hate it.

Time: 2200

I am the Sword of the Jedi.

I will never know peace.

I hate it.

Today was the ceremony announcing Knighthood. All who died were honored. Ganner was honored. He died on Corescant with Jacen. When I heard this, it reminded me of a conversation I had with him. He told me a rumor about Jacen being alive. I denied it. I threatened him. I told him I would kill him if he told my mother. That was when I was under the Dark Side. 

Anyways, back to my miserable destiny.

Uncle Luke went through everyone. I was last. He announced I was the Sword of the Jedi. I would know no peace. I would be in the front rank. 

Thank you _so muchi, Uncle Luke._

Oh and thank you, the Force.

Afterwards, I had to go to a stupid reception. I did not want to talk to anyone about it. Dad told everyone about his new move, the "Solo Slingshot." I managed to steer clear of everyone till Jacen came up to me. I told him not to talk about what Uncle Luke said. Instead, he mentioned a little about Danni and I admitted about Jag. Jacen called him stuck-up. I defended him. My dumb brother doesn't even know him.

I miss Jag. I know that I don't need distractions, but I miss him a lot.

Stop right there, Jaina, don't stray off topic.

See, distraction. Time: 2325

Drill after drill after drill. I'm back on Kashyyyk. I have been on here for a month. I am amazed I actually have time to write. My squadron is getting much better. I do talk some with my members, but I don't want to get close. It's too dangerous.

These are my days: Wake up, eat, patrol, meeting, drill, sims, drill, eat, sleep.

Lovely, isn't it?

Somewhere in there I always make time to check my messages from my family and Jag. Those keep me going.

Jag is still hunting for Vong on the Hydian Way. He is having the same problems with rookies I have been having. It's nice to have someone to talk to about it, I just wish he was here. My rational side tells its dangerous to get close, that I will be overwhelmed. I want to be overwhelmed by him.

There's an alarm. Time to fight again. I don't know when or if I will be able to write again. Time: 1400

I hate the High Command. Even though it worked, I did not like their plan, not one bit.

It's been months since I have been able to write. Here's what's been happening.

The Jedi fought in a meld, with Jacen, in all battles. We raided for three months to give our rookies expirence. Then my squardron was sent to Ebaq 9. We were bait, well technically, iI was bait. Jacen and I. I honestly can't remember the battle. I remember that I lost Vale, my wingmate. I remember heading back on to the base. I remeber the Vong hunting. They used voxyn. I hate those things. I want ever voxyn dead. My brother died on the mission to destroy them so they should be gone.

I remember sending my squadron away, save for Lowie and Tesar. I remember feeling their pride as I sent them away. I created that pride, that spirit. I did it all.

Vergere sacrificed herself to save Jacen. It's strange. I heard about everything she did to him, yet she saved him in the end. She was quite unusal. She killed all the Vong on Ebaq 9, save for Tsavong Lah.

He found me. He injured Lowie in the shoulder. Blorash jelly kept us rooted to the floor. I fought him. I lost my lightsaber and used Lowies to continue. I Sliced off two of, well I don't really know what they were, off of his claw. He was VERY angry by that point. I used the Force to get my lightsaber and plunge it into his throat. He is dead.

Whoa. I hadn't taken time to realize this.

I killed Tsavong Lah.

I killed the _warmaster_. The one who was after Jacen and I for a sacrifice. The one who hurt my mother. I killed him.

I've been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel.

I was stuck on Ebaq 9 for eight days. I reunited with the pilots I sent away. Lowie is okay. We were stuck there so long because it was too hot to get us out from whatever Vergere did. I still don't know all the details yet. I was taken out in a lead box. It was weird.

A lot of people died to keep me alive. I hate that. I know that I must honor their sacrifices. I saw almost everyone dear to me as I was let out of that box. I hugged my mother tightly. I was that little girl again who needed her mother's comfort.

I am that girl. Now, I am going to have dinner with my family. Then I think I will finally have a long talk with my brother.

Time: 1200 

Last night I sat down and told Jacen everything I had done. He was ashamed of me at all. As a matter of fact, he did a lot of things he wasn't proud of either. I'm glad we finally talked. He doesn't blame me for cutting him off and I don't blame him for Anakin's death. I can't believe I told Jacen he left him to die. I still feel guilty about it. I probably always will.

It was nice to sit down for dinner with Mom, Dad, and Jacen. There were two holes, however. Nothing will ever replace Anakin and Chewie. My family was rarely all in one place after Chewie died. Until now, we haven't all been together to feel the loss in normal activities. We lost two family members. It felt so much smaller.

It's amazing how much my family's size has changed. Mom thought she was an orphan for the longest time, then when she discovered her real father, he died. Uncle Luke was the same way. They found out about being twins, then Dad married Mom. Of course, Chewie was an honorary member. Then came Jacen and I, then Anakin, Aunt Mara, and now Ben. Suddenly, we are down two. It's strange.

I can't believe how long this war has gone on. We won a huge victory against the Vong; we took out around one-third of their force, I've heard. They have to get a new warmaster. That will take time. I don't know what we are going to do next. Time: 2255

Jag's back!

His sqadron arrived early this morning. He found me as I was leaving a meeting. Jag disapproves of public displays of affection. He lead me to the office he had been given. I know he missed me. The instant the door closed he kissed me more deeply than ever before. I loved it. We stayed in his office until his uncle called him for a debriefing. Later we met up in a training room. We decided to spar. He's pretty good.

Afterwards, he went to Wedge and Iella's for dinner. That is where he is now. I'll see him tomorrow, I hope. I know I shouldn't be annoyed, it is his family, after all, but I am. I haven't seen him in months! My sensible side is still telling me not the get close to anyone, but I am ignoring it. I need to stop thinking that I am going to die. Yes, it may happen, but pushing everyone away isn't the right thing to do.

Comm is going off.

Time: 2200

Today will never happen again.

I spent most of my day with Jag.

I think my mother had a hand in this. She has been trying to get me to take a day off for a long time. I was walking out of Wedge's office where I had dropped off a report. He had told me I had the whole day off. Jag found me and asked if I would sim with him. It was fun. He kills me. He always has. I am going to beat him one day. After that, we went to eat. He had to go to some meeting. I went to the training room and worked out a little. Afterwards, I found Jag and stayed with him until he had to go to Wedge's for dinner.

Well, now I am going to take advantage of this rare of opportunity and sleep.

Time: 2245

Something is wrong with Tahiri. She sent me a message saying she wanted to talk to me. She sounded like something was really wrong with her. I was taking care of some business with the Twin Suns. I did find her. I'll start at the beginning how. 

There was a meeting I was suppose to go to on Mon Cal, but I couldn't make it. Kyp said a lot was behind the scenes when he came to meet me. He asked about Tahiri, but I just didn't know. He did give me some good news. Jag was on Mon Cal at the meeting. Hopefully I can catch him later.

Kyp told me that a lot of people are talking about winning the war. Yes, we had a major victory at Ebaq 9, but that doesn't mean we are going to win. The people who aren't fighting always say stuff like that just to make them feel better. I can't stand it. Tell the people the truth. They can see it in front of them as their family is taken away by Vong.

Kyp dropped me off at the meeting. Everyone brought me up to speed. My squadron is accompanying Mom and Dad while they patch up communications. Yes, I was a little annoyed. I should be working with the military. I wasn't as upset as I acted. Jag is coming with me! He is flying with the Twin Suns. Chiss and my pilots are combining. Jag and I will take turns as the Leader.

Tahiri commed me. She was saying that Anakin was trying to kill her. I don't understand what she was talking about. Did she mean her grief or was she just delusional? We were able to find her. She had collasped. I was terrified of what had happened. Normally I don't make a big deal about Jag's public display of affection thing, but today I really needed him. I did have to hold onto his arm for support. Master Cighil and the medics couldn't find anything wrong with her.

I hope she's okay. Time: 1700

We're leaving tomorrow.

Today I sparred with Jag. I actually hurt him. I didn't mean to. I was irriated about being out of action. I still am.

Oh, I learn a really lame insult the Chiss use. It's _moactan teel._ It means fair-headed. I guess it works great in Chiss space. It's really bad. If you want a good insult or curse word, listen to my dad for five minutes while he is fixing the _Falcon._ I knew all there were to know before joining the Rogues. I knew them before I was _ten_.

I went and saw Tahiri before I met with my parents to go over everything. She didn't say much. I wish I knew what was going on with her. I just don't know. Nobody does. Time: 1200

Jacen, Aunt Mara, and Uncle Luke are gone. They left for the Unknown Regions to look for Zonama Sekot. I hope they find it quickly. Uncle Luke says it may end the war. I don't know. It's a living planet. Jacen believes its real from what Vergere said, but with her, who knows? 

I hope Jacen settles his heart on this trip. I really want him back here, at peace. As Uncle Luke so eloquently put it, as the Sword of the Jedi, I won't know peace, but those around me will. 

Danni went on the trip. I wonder if my dumb brother is going to do anything? Time: 1400

I had a reminder of my childhood today.

I heard my mother and father arguing about where to go first. Mom said the Koornacht Cluster. Dad did not want to go. Mom understood his fear. I kind of do. I don't remember a lot about it. Mom and Winter hid a lot from us. I remember hearing about a recording of Dad being brutely beaten. I never saw it. I don't want to. Mom told us as much as we needed to know. I remember Dad being in the MedCenter for a long time. We were all afraid of what would happen to him. It wasn't known if he would live. Only Mom could see him.

We're going there. We found out that the Empire had been attacked. That is were Jacen is heading for. He's safe, I can feel it. Kenth asked me to tell him if I felt anything different. I don't want to think about that.

Time to go! Time: 1500 

The Fia talk too much. We arrived at Galantos. They asked I swear, at least a thousand questions. It was insane.

Jag went down to the surface. I do wish he had stayed up here with me, but someone does need to go with Mom and Dad. Oh yeah, Tahiri joined us too. I still don't know what is going on with her yet.

I have to go. Time: 1600

That's it. I have to talk to Tahiri. She had another... attack? I'm not sure what you call it. She was fighting... something with her lightsaber and clutching something to her chest. I don't know what is going on with her.

I am going shortly to the Yevetha to take a look. Dad wasn't happy about it. Niether was Jag. Jag was concerned about me. It's touching. He made sure I was taking pilots with me. I am- two Chiss, Miza and Jocell. Miza is the better pilot, but less reliable.

I put this off as long as I can. I was hoping to see Jag when he came back up here. Oh well. Time to go. Time: 2300

Holy Sith!

We poked around the system. The Yevethan are all dead. Every last one. We find a survivor. He blew himself up, killing Miza and damaging Jocell and I. We hurried back. The Vong were coming. The Fia had struck a deal- the Vong kill of the Yevethan, the Fia give resources. That explains the communication blackout. Of course, the Fia thought the Vong meant minerals, not beings. There was a slave ship ready for them.

When I came back to the squadron, we had to fight the Vong. We were outnumbered 3-1, but their yammosk was jammed so that helped a lot. Jag took a few off my back, thank the Force. My X-Wing was slightly charred from that Yevethan blowing up his ship.

The Fia joined us in fighting, without orders. Despite the seriousness of it, thinking about it I have to laugh. They made Jag call them by their correct color shades and were so techincal about everything.

Of course, I can't stand them! They are so ungrateful. Here we are trying to protect them, destroying the ships that would have taken them into slavery and they don't do anything.

I said that to Jag, something a long those lines. I felt kind of childish. He told me I was acting just like me- whoever that is. Pilot. Sword of the Jedi. That's me.

Jag did say to me that maybe "we should dock and debrief in person." I told him it was one of the most romantic things anyone has said to me in years, which is kind of true. We didn't get to talk much. I had a couple injuries treated them slept for awhile. I didn't sleep very well. I kept dreaming of Anakin's death, the voxyn queen's destruction, my dark path, and Jacen being in danger. I'm not sure why.

Jag came to wake me up. He told me about the Fia's turn around. I kind of wish I had seen Dad's face when Counciler Jobath appeared prefessed his undying love for the former New Republic. I heard about what Jacen had been up to. He is safe now, that's what matters most to me.

We walked to the mess. We are going to Bakura next. Mom and Dad heard something from a Ryn.

I have to wonder about if we win the war. I don't believe there will every be peace. Nothing will be the safe. So much has happened that everything is forever changed.

Jag showed me something of Tahiri's that I just don't know about. He found it after her collaspe. It was a little figure of Yun-Yammaka, The Slayer. I last saw a huge statue of him on the worldship on Myrkr. I hate it. That face has stayed in my memories. It was the worst statue there. Why did Tahiri have it? What does this all mean? If this is about Anakin, was it such a good idea for her to come with us? I know if Jag died I wouldn't want to be around his family. It would be too painful. I don't know what to say to her. Do I ask about the statue or what?

I wish I knew what it meant.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Star Wars isn't mine.

Time: 2300

We're in route to Bakura. Some Ryn Mom, Dad, and Tahiri met up with told them to go there. We've been in hyperspace for about a day now.

After Jag showed me that statue Tahiri had, we were called to a brief meeting to learn where we were going next. Afterwards, he and I talked for awhile. Mom, Dad and Tahiri contacted me then from the _Falcon._ I can't look at Tahiri the same way. I don't know what to say to her. For her to have such an item in her possession...

Maybe she just had it with her from Yavin IV. She's not a traitor.

But why would she still have it?

Did the Vong shapers do more to Tahiri than anyone knew? Is she working against us?

I don't know. This is all so confusing. I hope answers come soon. For now, I have to go.

Time: 2300

We're on Bakura. It's really strange. Of course, it's even weirder to mom and dad. They were there when the Ssi-ruuk invaded. Now the P'w'eck use the entechment that the Ssi-ruuk used on them. I don't get it at all. Now they are allies? Why would Bakura be allies with poeple who used these methods? Why would the P'w'eck use the methods used on them?

When we first arrived in-system, someone broke in the communications yelling at Mom. They don't know who yet.

It gets even better. I ran escort for mom and dad. Apparently, Bakura is going to be consecrated by the Keeramak. I'm not entirely sure who that is. I paid as close as attention as I could to teh conversation, but I was also watching everything else, especially Tahiri. Jag and I have been trying to figure out what's going on with her, but we haven't come up with anything.

After Bakura is consecrated, they will be allies with the P'w'eck. This all seems very iffy to me.

The Prime Minister had disappeared too. Jag rescued him. Apparently, the Prime Minister had killed the ones holding him captive. He's definitly bluffing. He didn't have so much as a bruise. There is no way he fought them.

Jag pulled me aside before we left. He had mentioned his true feelings for the Prime Minister. He had insulted Jag, calling him a rookie. Jag told me a few of the things he would rather call the man. I found they kind of funny. We didn't have long, as usual. I had to leave with mom and dad.

Soon we'll hopefully have some answers. Time: 1900

A Ryn told us to take the quarters we were offered. We had to go to some stupid banquet. I was very out of place.

Oh, Malinza Thanas is apparently the head of a resistance cell. She was arrested. The Deputy Minister thought she had the Prime Minister kidnapped. He was surprised when he found out. I don't think she did it.

Tahiri was acting weird. She looked all over our rooms. She found a message the Ryn left us. It said to go to Malinze Thanas. I'm leaving in a few minutes.

I am going to get some answers no matter what.

Time: 1900

I don't think I ever want to go to Bakura again.

Before I left, I told Mom about what Jag had found and our concerns about Tahiri. She said she was going to try something. I didn't know what.

Okay, so I went to see Malinza. She told me that she had nothing to do with the kidnapping of the prime minister and her resistence group, Freedom, had been tracing a huge payout. I go to leave and there is no guard. She leaves too. She took me to her group's base. They had a pretty good setup.

Troops were heading toward us. Malinza found a tracking device in the waist band of her pants. I took with, along with the Rodian, Salkeli, so Freedom could escape. I ended up throwing it in rushing water.

Salkeli betrayed me. He captured me! I should have known! He took me to the Deputy Prime Minister Harris's office. Apparently, Harris has been funding Freedom. A member, Jjorg, was killed. Harris took Malinza, Vyram, and I took a locker. He cuffed us and told us that there was a bomb going to blow in ten minutes. I'd be to blame and Malinza would be a martyr to her cause.

I managed to warn Mom. Tahiri found me and tried to disarm the bomb. It didn't work. It blew. Luckily, she had made a Force bubble. Except, it wasn't her. Riina, the being the Vong shaped into her, had done it. I heard Vongspeak before the blast.

I managed to get Vryam, Malinza, and myself free. The Ryn, Goure, and I found her. Goure has been our contact here. I think he is sending us to our next destination, where ever that is.

Does this sounds crazy? It is. The Keermak was actually with the Ssi-ruuk. They planned an invasion. The Prime Minister was in on it. He sold his soul to live forever. I chased him down. He's a droid! I cut off his arm and it didn't affect him at all! I don't know what happened to him. The P'e'weck rebelled against their masters and now they are joining the Bakurans in an alliance. Confusing, isn't it?

Through all of this, Jag was worrying about me. When mom called up to stop the fight, Captian Mayn had to stop Jag by saying that they had me. It's touching to know he was so concerned about me.

Jag finally gave up on his puble display of affection thing. He was almost captured for entechment. It opened his eyes. He didn't let go of my hand until I insisted he go get some sleep. Right now, I'm in Tahiri's room. She is unconscious. She has been since the blast. There is a fight going on inside of her. The Ryn and my mother say that Riina and Tahiri have to find a way to live together. I don't see how that is possible. Riina is evil. She is a Yuuzhang Vong. The Vong are horrible creatures. I hate them so much. How can she be one? 

Dad is forcing me to get some sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Star Wars isn't mine.

Time: 2200

The Ryn sent us to Onadax. Dad and I split up to find out contact. Dad ended up getting throw out of a bar. Go figure. It was definitely staged, though. There was a riot in town. Word on the street was that one of our agents had stolen some money and was trying to leave with it. I don't know where that story came from, neither did my parents. I wasn't able to make it back to the _Falcon_. I barely made it to the _Pride of Selonia _before the mob came down on me.

Jag stayed with Tahiri in the med wing. I'm worried about her. I don't want her to wake up alone. He hurried to meet me when I walked in the door. He was worried about me.

We didn't find the Ryn, but Droma found us. He told us that he had been trying to join the Ryn network. He asked if we were going to Esfandia. There is a relay base there to the Unknown Regions. It's under attack. We had no idea. If we don't do something, there is no way for anyone to contact Jacen. They could discover something important or be in need of help and we can't hear it! 

We're going to Esfandia.  
--------------  
Time: 1200 

I'm in the med wing with Tahiri. She hasn't changed. She's still in a coma like state. I don't know what to do. I can't let her die. Riina cannot take over her body.

If Riina did take over, would I be able to kill her? Mom told Jag and I about Anakin's vision. Riina would be very dangerous. Would I be able to stop her? She would look like Tahiri, but be Vong. I know that Jag would kill her if necessary. The look on his face had said so after mom told us. I don't know if I could, though.

Jag is with the Twin Suns. I have two hours until they arrive. I can at least help her. Maybe all she needs is a little reinforcement.  
--------------  
Time: 1500 

Wow. The events of the past few days were just...whoa.

I'll start at the beginning. I entered Tahiri's mind to try and help her. I saw her fighting Riina. It was unlike anything I had ever expirenced. It was like going through mud. Riina thought me a threat and tried to go after me. I tried to leave, but it was like I was in a mental prison. I couldn't leave. I watched Riina and Tahiri fight. Riina cut off Tahiri's hand, and then hers was gone! Anything they did to the other, they did to themselves!

I didn't know what to do. Then I heard the most wonderful and joyous statement I have ever heard. _I heard Jag say I love you, Jaina. Please come back to me... _I wasn't sure if he actually said it, but he did!

When I awoke, he was there. I told him I heard what he said. I didn't say I love him back, but he understood. I really do love him. I wish we had figured it out earlier.

Jag didn't have any reservations about the new Tahiri. Riina and Tahiri combined. Its going to take some getting used to.

Tahiri tricked the Vong into letting us go down to the relay base on Esfandia. I guess the Imperials joined the fight. So did the Ryn network. I can't believe they actually have fighters. Droma is the head Ryn. I heard that from Dad, who heard it from Tahiri.

Back to the battle. A group of us went down to the planet. I was injured. My envirosuit failed. I went back to the base with Droma and caught the traitor, Tegg the Ugnaught. I don't know the whole story with him yet. We won, though.

The worst part is that I was hit on the head and am grounded. I am so bored. I helped mom test the transmitor. Mom had gotten ahold of Uncle Luke, Aunt Mara, and Jacen. They found Zonama Sekot and are bringing it back. I don't know any of the details. I wasn't there when they talked. I'll grill Jacen about it when he gets back.

I'm waiting for Jag to finish with the squadron. We haven't seen much of eachother in the past few days. Since I can't fly, he has to do all the squadron work. I feel kind of guilty, but the doctor said probably by tomorrow I'll be okay. My balance is kind of off.

I got all that out. I still don't know everything that happened and quick frankly, I really don't care. Tahiri is fine and we won. I know she is a lot better because she told Jag and I that if Anakin were around, he would tell us to get a room! She's healing. Plus, Jag and I figured out how we really feel about it eachother.

Jag is back. Got to go!

Time: 1500

My so-called "vacation" is over. I wasn't even on Mon Cal two days when I had to leave again. This time, it was for Duro. Force do I hate that planet. It's not even a planet, really. The Duros don't even live on it!

Well, the Duros pilots broke orders and ruined the mission. The attack was a trick to draw away reinforcements from a base. They were slaughtered. I had to stay in formation and watch. It was horrible. If they had only followed orders... Well, there is no sense dwelling on that. There is no time. 

Time to revert into real space.  
-----------------  
Time: 2330

This evening, my squadron and I were at a "tapcafe" (so they said) on the Galsol strip. My newest pilot, Raf Othrem, kept toasting everything. It's unfortunate to know that his attitude will change soon. It always does. We start out hopeful, then crash, its a fight just to survive.

Lensi, a Duros I flew with at Sernpidal, blamed me for her people's deaths. Jag and Lowies jumped up in his face. Lowie backed down, but Jag warned him. I don't think he would have done the same for anyone else. Itt's touching, though I can handle myself.

I simply told Lensi that the Duros should have obeyed orders and that I believe Wedge did the right thing. I do. I didn't know either. It was better that way. He left, with the insigna he had ripped off and thrown to me.

I have to admit, Jag did a lot of the talking. He snapped at him about the loses of war. He is right. This is war. Everyone has lost something. 

Afterwards, Jag and I left. We walked along the strip for a bit, not that there is anythere or anything. It was just nice to spend a little time together.

I can't believe I thought I didn't want this relationship. What was I thinking?

Well, I guess I have to account genes in it. Let's face it, when it comes to romance, my family is not the greatest. Sure, Uncle Luke can turn Darth Vader, destroy a Death Star, and resurrect the Jedi Order, but when it came to getting married? Clueless. Mom and Dad. Fought for three years, then took forever to get married. Plus, let's not forget the Isolder fiasco. I have to wonder how my grandparents faired. I hoped they got with it faster than their children did.

I need to sleep.  
-----------------  
Time: 1600

I think the name Solo equals the word captured.

So I will start at the beginning. A huge attack was planned at Bilbringi. There were three group: Wedge, Kre'fey, and Pellaeon. Wedge's group, where I was, would arrive first. The others would be called for. Just our luck, the Vong make some new device and the Holonet is down. Wedge can't call for back up. Plus, the Vong learned Dad's Solo Slingshot. I will never let him forget it.

The skips started sending out grutchins. Wedge ordered us to take them off his hull with our exhaust. The old methods of shocking them doesn't work. Wedge then ordered us two tasks. I sent Jag, Five, and Six to find Kre'fey. He was not happy about leaving me at all. I took the rest of the squadron to find the Golan Battle Station. I found it, alright. I boarded it and was taken prisoner. My squadron was disabled and held too. The crew needed a motivator to use the hyperdrive they had installed. They put together all the ones from our X-Wings. I managed to mess up the coordinates so they had to take out an interdictor. Mom and Dad came to rescue me. It was kind of amusing, actually. Dad knocked out the guy who held a blaster to my head. Everyone was scared of him.

Well, the station saved us all. Pellaeon arrived. I guess the pilot of a TIE with Mom and Dad was killed. I think it was his son. I'm sure of it.

I asked about Jag. Kre'fey was involved in a battle. I hope Jag's safe.   
----------------  
Time: 1945

I'm back on Mon Cal. Jag's safe, thank the Force. He came back with Kre'fey the other day. I don't think he's left my side, not that I want him to. Today we were outside in the tide pools. I've been through them before, but today it was different. It was much more beautiful. I have to admit, as much as I hate the Vong, I am glad that in a way, they brought Jag to me.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Star Wars isn't mine.

---------  
Time: 1200

Jag has gone back to the Vanguards. The Twin Suns are filled once again. I've been working my new pilots for hours upon end. Jag runs his squadron ragged too. Of course, they are Chiss, so they are used to it. My pilots are convinced I spend hours concocting ways to torture them.

They'll thank me when they live to see the next fight.

No one has heard from Uncle Luke. I can still feel Jacen, but he's distant. I miss him. Hopefully they will return soon with a way to end this war.  
-------------  
Time: 1200 

I've just returned from our latest battle. Kyp's squadron flew with us. Jag was suppose to. I was sent out before him. Kyp talked to him right before he left. The Vanguards' orders changed. They had to stay on Mon Cal. Something big is brewing. He told Kyp to tell me that he loves me, which brightened my spirits. It always does to hear him say that.

The Vong have a new weapon. Its some strange type of skip. They looked like voxyn. They were hard to kill. The Vong are learning. They've been finding ways to get around our tactics. If we want to win this war, we had better come up with some new ones and fast!

The worst part of the whole ordeal was how much damage the _Falcon_ had. It was in horrible condition! I imagine it still is. No one has heard from them.

I cannot lose my parents. They have to survive. I just can't lose anybody else in this war. It will kill me.

I can't wait any longer. I need to go check again.  
--------------  
Time: 1300

They still haven't returned.

I had a small argument with Jag. I'm not entirely sure what it was about. It was just plain dumb.

What's going on? Am I pushing him away? Are we falling out of love?

Maybe I'm just too worried. That has to be it. I'm just really worried about Mom and Dad.

Kyp found me. He offered to go with me if I try to find them. I'm not sure if I should or not. I'm not 100 sure of the danger they are in.

I'll wait.   
--------------------  
Time: 0900

Something big is happening. I'm not sure what though.

We had a meeting, the Jedi. Well, the dozen or so of us that could come. If we don't hear from Uncle Luke in a week, we are sending a strike team to Corescant to find the Prophet. Kyp mentioned it was starting to sound like Myrkr. I cannnot do another Myrkr again. I can't. I lost too much to relive it. I hope Uncle Luke contacts us. I don't want to have to do it again.  
---------------

Time: 1700

Mom and Dad are finally back. They're safe, thank the Force.

The heretics interupted a huge ceremony and got away with over three hundred Alliance prisoners. The purpose for the sacrifice was for an attack on Mon Calamari. The plans thus far are to divert battle groups so we can retake Corescant.

I think its a bad idea. Corescant is gone. We need to hold what we have.

A lot of beings are going to die. I don't want to lose anyone in my family. Haven't we paid this galaxy enough? My grandfather was Darth krffing Vader! If that wasn't enough, Mom, Dad, and Uncle Luke have given their lives basically to the galaxy. Chewie is dead. Anakin is dead. Jacen is... well who knows about Jacen. I'm basically at the galaxy's beck and call. I hate it all.

What if we win? What am I suppose to do then? I'm a fighter pilot. There is nothing for me to do. All I know is war. What then?

I just don't know.   
--------------  
Time: 2000

I saw holos of Corescant today. Why are we even bothering? Its not the place I lived. Its a foreign wasteland. Its just not worth it. Let the Vong keep it. We are going to have to do something with them. They can have it.

Of course the High Command isn't taking anything Jacen said into consideration. He was there. He was in the kriffing heart of it. He knows what he is talking about. Plus, that was awhile ago. Its only gotten worse. To be in High Command, is it a requirement not to have a brain or ounce of common sense? No wonder there are so many wars. Stupid beings run everything.

It just isn't worth it.   
--------------------  
Time: 2245

That was way to close. 

My brain is frazzled. I'll try to relay this the best I can. 

We were rimward of the Tion Hegemony. The Vong armada came out of hyperspace. We jumped to Mon Cal. There were so many Vong ships. I have never seen so many in one place. Intelligence underestimated the amount. I can't even begin to describe all the event. It was so overwhelming.

Cappie was destroyed. I suffered severe damage. At one point, I had three clawcraft on my tail. Jag took care of them for me. Jag saved my life, thank the Force. I'm so glad he is looking out for me.

We were ordered to withdraw. I barely made it.

It's strange to think back. Awhile ago, I would not have minded dying. I would have welcomed it. Now, I'm grateful to be saved. This war has changed me many times over. I went from naive teenager to cocky pilot to dark, depressed, suicidal being to a hardened fighter. I don't know what I am now. I don't think I will ever know.  
----------------  
Time: 1300 

Jag is gone. He left with the Twin Suns and Vanguards. We were able to spend a little time together. I miss him. I hope he isn't killed. I can't lose him.

Please, Jag, where ever your going, come back to me.  
--------------  
Time: 1420

Jacen is back! He has been gone for almost a year! Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara too. Oh yeah, and everyone else. I'm more happy about Jacen though.

I guess Zonoma Sekot brought them here. I'm on my way. This is one of the longest jumps I've ever done. I can't believe he has been gone so long.

Finally! Time to leave hyperspace!   
--------------------  
Time: 1500

Zonoma Sekot is a strange planet. Its beautiful, but it has to weird effect on everyone. It makes me a little wary.

Jacen has changed... again. I need to talk to him soon. I need to know what's going on with my twin.

Harrar, a Vong priest, ironically, for Yun-Harla, is on Zonoma Sekot. Somehow he is going to help us end the war. I don't know how yet. Details are still sketchy.

Oh yeah, I had to leave my X-Wing in orbit. I'm not very happy about that, although Dad is just irriated to no end at leaving the _Falcon_. 

I'm going to find Jacen.  
---------------------  
Time: 1600

How could I not get at least one seed-partner?

How? 

I'm a _pilot!_

I should have one. It makes sense. I fly. Jacen says that Sekot has something in mind for me. I don't want a _planet_ deciding my fate. I will decide my own, thank you very much and I am going to fly. Whether its my X-Wing or a Sekotan ship, I will be up there, I promise you.  
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	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Star Wars isn't mine.

----------   
Time: 1700

Kriffing seed-partner ceremony is going on right now. I should be there. This Sekot doesn't know me. How could Kyp get some and not me? I'm a better pilot than him! This is some cruel joke. It has to be.

Uncle Luke just arrived. I better go see what he wants.  
----------------  
Time: 1900

They are attacking Corescant.

And I am can't fly.

Plus, there is a ship contaminated with Alpha Red out there.  
_  
Joy._

I'm stuck here while my squadron is fighting for the survival of the galaxy. Jag is up there, fighting. He needs me. He could be hurt! This is some cruel, sadistic joke. I haven't fought this war since day one to sit back while the victor is decided!

I will find a way, I promise.

Force, keep Jag safe.   
-----------------  
Time: 1200

I am on my way to Corescant as I write this. I'm on the _Falcon_.

Shimrra's causing the World Brain to send fire all over the planet. I wonder what will be left. Will anything?

Dad is calling me. Its time. I hope that I will survive this to tell about it. I can't believe the war will end. I don't know if we will win or lose, but its almost over. This five year nightmare is coming to an end. Will another nightmare begin?

Jag, I love you. I know I don't say it enough, but I do. You'll probably never see this, but it's true. 

Its time.

----------------  
Time: 0800

We won! Holy Force, we won! I can't believe it. I hope this isn't a dream.

Actually seeing Corescant was worse that I had expected. Its not my world. Its not. It's a strange alien planet. The Vong should just keep it. So many memories destroyed. My home is gone. It will never be the same, no matter what people do. 

We made it to Shimrra's. Jacen, Uncle Luke, and I went inside. I found a Shamed One. I went after him. I had sensed him through the Force. Zonoma Sekot says that the Vong were stripped of the Force. Somehow, this one had gotten it back. His name was Omni, by the way. He had managed to capture me with some poison. He truly believe that I was Yun-Harla. I guess I preformed that charade a little too well. He believed that Yun-Yammka is Uncle Luke, Yun-Shuno is Jacen, and Yun-Ne'Shel is Tahiri.

Uncle Luke killed Shimrra. He decapitated him, but was poisoned severely. He's still in a healing trance.

Jacen saved me and destroyed the true leader, Omni. It was the strangest thing. Jacen was somehow so attuned to the Force that he was using Omni's self created poisons on to harm him. Omni is dead.

What I don't understand is that Anakin also did something like that. He reached that level, yet he died. I'm not saying that I want Jacen to die; I just don't see why Anakin couldn't have lived.

After Jacen's amazing feat, I demanded to know why he didn't let me help him. He told me I needed to help myself. I guess that's true. I was trying to keep myself alive.

Dad and Mom came during Jacen's display. Dad made Nom Anor lead us to an escape. We were actually on a ship! We made it off, but Nom Anor died. Good. I know its wrong, but I'm glad he's dead.

Mom just came by. Uncle Luke is coming out of his trance.  
----------------------  
Time: 1500

Uncle Luke is okay. The Jedi children arrived. Ben is adorable. Aunt Mara won't let him out of her sight.

Uncle Luke had a discussion with the Jedi today. He said something about there not being a Dark Side. There is a Dark Side. There is a Dark Side to everything. Under a rock is a shadow. I know there is Dark and I have been there. I don't want to go back again. Something has changed in Uncle Luke. Maybe its the toxins that will never leave.

Jacen is different, too. He seems so much older. I've changed. I know I have. I can't explain it. Everyone has grown harder.

I haven't heard from Jag. I know he survived, but I want him here with me. We have to figure out what to do about the future.

That is the big question now. What next? The warmaster is meeting with High Command. Sekot is welcoming the Vong home. I guess they originated from the parent to Sekot. 

Jacen went to Corescant to help with the World Brain, but it will never be the same.

Nothing will.   
--------------------  
Time: 1600

It's been several weeks and I am plagued with only one question.

Did I do the right thing?

Jag came yesterday. He is going back home, as he should. He is on his way now. He asked me to go with him. I told him I couldn't. I love him, but I said no. I said I needed to figure out the future. He is the liaison to the GFFA so we will get to see each other. We had a wonderful night together. It was magical.

I said I couldn't go. Was I wrong? Should I have?

I already regret it. The doubts are killing me.

Am I wrong?   
------------------  
Time: 2200

I'm on Kashyyyk with my family. Dad plunged Anakin's lightsaber in a tree. We put Anakin and Chewie to rest today. Finally, peace has come. My family is healing. 

I am still plagued by doubts. Did I make the right decision? What will I do now? Should I have gone with Jag?

Only time will tell.

I love you, Jag. You promised me you wouldn't go anywhere. You didn't. You are still here, in my heart.

The war changed me so much. I spiraled down into hell. Jag, you brought me back. I love you for it. I love how you make me feel. No matter what happens, I will always love you.

War changes us all. I'm only glad it brought me to you.  
-------------  
THE END

Wow, its over. This fic helped me grow as a writer. I truly enjoyed writing this. I was going to do some more fics like that, but I changed my mind. I have some great ideas I would really like to do.


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